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[movies] Star Trek Into Darkness - Lakeshore — LiveJournal
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Jay Lake
Date: 2013-06-01 05:09
Subject: [movies] Star Trek Into Darkness
Security: Public
Tags:movies, radiantlisa, reviews
Yesterday, Lisa Costello and I went to see Star Trek Into Darknessimdb ].

How you can make such a terribly bad movie with Zachary Quinto, Simon Pegg, Karl Urban and Benedict Cumberbatch is beyond me. It wasn't just bad. It was gratuitously bad. Stupidly bad. Intellectually offensively bad. Sort of like that recent movie that someone who stole Ridley Scott's name claimed to have made. $190,000,000 spent on this dog and they couldn't get a scriptwriter with minimal competence at science, science fiction, plot, suspense or dialog? I could have written a better script. Drunk.

Lisa's first flying snowman came six or seven minutes in. I think I lasted ten minutes before my first flying snowman. After a while, I lost count. I eventually wanted to retitle the movie Star Trek: Lens Flares vs Flying Snowmen. If nothing else, that would have been truth in advertising.

I'll admit this much: it was kind of fun. Stupid, boring, annoying fun, but kind of fun. Seriously, though. Wait for the DVD release. Or Netflix. Or a junior college interpretive dance performance of the script. At a minimum, watch it at home with the sound turned off while listening to old Cheech and Chong routines.

And this movie was made by the man who will make the next Star Wars films? Based on what J.J. Abrams did to Star Trek Into Darkness, I predict an all-Jar Jar cast in a Busby Berkeley style musical about political infighting in the Imperial Senate.

Post A Comment | 13 Comments | | Link






Larry Sanderson
User: lsanderson
Date: 2013-06-01 13:49 (UTC)
Subject: You Forgot!
To leave your brain at home!
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mlerules: Cruella
User: mlerules
Date: 2013-06-01 14:41 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Cruella
$3 at the Bagdad w/beer and a few friends to MST3K it seems like the way to go.
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User: kshandra
Date: 2013-06-01 16:01 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:FAIL
Beautiful review. This would not look out of place in a copy of Roger Ebert's Your Movie Sucks.
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Tom
User: voidampersand
Date: 2013-06-01 16:17 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Jay, tell us how you really think.
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Jo Rhett
User: jorhett
Date: 2013-06-01 17:03 (UTC)
Subject: set expectations for minimal script.
I think I got lucky. Frank Wu went to see it and his first review was almost identical to yours. Then he saw it again, and he said: wait, there's actually a plot in there and some really decent tie-ins, but they are short, quick tie-ins between the action scenes. You really have to be paying attention.

With this in mind, when I saw the movie I concentrated on every bit of dialogue, every bit of subtlety between all the action. So for me, it was a lot of fun and some stringing bits of plot. It worked better than most scifi movies for me, and is better than seeing Fast6 or its brethren.
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asakiyume: nighthawk flying
User: asakiyume
Date: 2013-06-02 01:45 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:nighthawk flying
heh--very much enjoyed following the links to find out more about flying snowmen.

So which were some of yours?
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2013-06-02 11:49 (UTC)
Subject:
Lisa's first snowman was the Enterprise being under water. My first snowman was Pike asking Kirk to be First Officer aboard the same ship he'd just been busted down from captain of. After that they quickly grew to countlessly large numbers.
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asakiyume: Noooo!
User: asakiyume
Date: 2013-06-02 12:10 (UTC)
Subject:
Keyword:Noooo!
The Enterprise being under water--when I first heard that one, I remember thinking, whaaa? It's as if what's-his-name, Abrams there, was like, "Hey, wouldn't this be a cool effect? Let's do this"--like if I were to say, "Hey, let's be in disguise--let's put on giant fake mustaches!!" And my friends would tell me, "Um, giant fake mustaches are a lot of fun and all but actually ... they're not a very good disguise." So maybe someone did something like that for Abrams but he was all, "BUT GIANT FAKE MUSTACHES!" (only, it was the Enterprise underwater).

Reading the plot description, the one that was my flying snowman was Kirk 'n' Spock being at the meeting of All The Important Starfleet Dudes.
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Sputtering with Indignation
User: weirman
Date: 2013-06-02 22:12 (UTC)
Subject: Re:
The one that killed me was using "Cold Fusion" to take out a volcano. My brain still hurts from that one, three weeks later.
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barbarienne
User: barbarienne
Date: 2013-06-02 05:16 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Yes, what was with the lens flares? I mean, script stupidity I take as part of H'wood's (and JJAbrams's) lack of giving a shit about story and just wanting to present spectacle.

But who the fuck thinks getting in the way of your audience's vision is a good way to present spectacle? In 3-D, no less? Seriously, 3-D and lens flares. It might as well have been a radio show.
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Sputtering with Indignation
User: weirman
Date: 2013-06-02 22:11 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Yeah, I kind of hate it too. In fact, I disliked it so much that I went back and watched Star Trek: The Motion Picture again and almost kind of loved it in comparison to Into Darkness. I'm now curious to see what will happen if I watch ST V: The Final Frontier. I expect I'll still loathe it but maybe it'll be just a little less.

It breaks my heart that Abrams has turned Star Trek into thoughtless action and space explosions. But since it makes me love the original more, then maybe it's not all bad.

I actually think Star Wars will be okay. I get the impression that Abrams is remaking Star Trek to be more like Star Wars on purpose because he's one of those fans who always considered Star Trek to be the boring version of Star Wars.
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LiveJournal: pingback_bot
User: livejournal
Date: 2013-06-06 08:56 (UTC)
Subject: "[movies] Star Trek Into Darkness"
Keyword:pingback_bot
User natf referenced to your post from "[movies] Star Trek Into Darkness" saying: [...] is what Jay Lake has to say about it: Originally posted by at [movies] Star Trek Into Darkness [...]
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dionysus1999
User: dionysus1999
Date: 2013-06-06 14:45 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Spaceballs II, is the working title for #7.
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