Jay Lake (jaylake) wrote,
Jay Lake

[personal] Yesterday...

Yesterday was both very wonderful and very difficult. We attended a wedding which was very dear to my heart. Everything there came off perfectly — weather, setting, people, ceremony. That was followed by a very difficult afternoon for reasons unconnected to the wedding. In the end, all was resolved, but some days are definitely better than others.

Overnight I had dreams of abandonment. I was living in a tiny apartment and working as paid convention staff somewhere. Everyone I knew, everyone I loved, was gone, and I was still dying of cancer. I woke up on the verge of both tears and depression.

Today I am behind on my packing. As in, not started. Ahem. But I'm not going to the airport for another nine hours, and all I have to do is settle two billing disputes, see my therapist, go to the post office, and pack for fifteen days overseas. All of it at half speed, because I neither move nor think fast anymore. Nonetheless, all will be well, I am certain of it.

So, yeah, cracking I get.

Tags: cancer, dreams, friends, health, personal, travel

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