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[cancer] Funerals are real fun - Lakeshore — LiveJournal
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Jay Lake
Date: 2013-11-22 06:07
Subject: [cancer] Funerals are real fun
Security: Public
Tags:cancer, child, death, family, friends, health, personal, radiantlisa
The topic de la semaine hereabouts has been my funeral planning. Contemplating one's own final arrangements is a subject sure to brighten any day.

Dad has been investigating funeral homes and memorial marker. [info]kenscholes in his capacity as a former pastor has been giving me advice and talking points about memorial services. Mother of the Child has been giving me her thoughts and feelings about the process.

I get hung up on a couple of points as I walk through all this. One, the whole discussion just makes me want to cry. Two, what is the proper balance between my desires and the needs and desires of those closest to me?

The first I just deal with. So much of my life is devastating these days, what's one more incitement to grief?

The second I think I have a solution for, at least in my context. We're probably going to have a small, private set of observances at my time of death and shortly thereafter, probably to be led by Mother of the Child's Buddhist pastor.

Sometime a bit later on, a larger, public memorial service for my extended family, friends, fans and whoever wants to show up, will likely be led by Ken. That will be the last JayCon and/or the second JayWake, depending on how one wishes to look at it.

For the most part, my own desires are nebulous. In simplest terms, I won't be here to care. But I am very mindful of how the rituals of my death affect the grieving processes of [info]the_child, her mother, Lisa Costello, and the rest of my family and friends. At the same time, it would be the height of hypocrisy for my cooling corpse (well, cooling ashes really) to be sanctified in a religious framework. Can I be a hypocrite when I'm dead?

There's all kinds of details: Scattering the ashes? Memorial diamonds? What plaque and where? Much of this will be handled in a series of meetings next Monday.

I do know what I want for the epitaph on my marker. It comes down to a choice between two different things I wrote in Kalimpura.
"What are years to me? Like pain, they pass unnoticed."

"In end, so is the beginning. In the beginning, so is the end."

The first is more obscure but pointed. The second is more universal but borders on the cliched. Neither can sum up my life, any more than any epitaph ever can for anyone. The dying process itself sums up one's life.

So it goes.

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(no subject) - (Anonymous)
Jay Lake: cancer-hereafter_is_closed
User: jaylake
Date: 2013-11-22 18:45 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:cancer-hereafter_is_closed
Heh...

I'm thinking more of the Nick Cave song, "Lay Me Low".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpYTLbcuxgg

They will interview my teachers (Lay me low)
Who'll say I was one of God's sorrier creatures
There'll print informative six-page features
When I go

They'll bang a big old gong (Lay me low)
The motorcade will be ten miles long
The world will join together for a farewell song
When they put me down below
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User: kshandra
Date: 2013-11-22 20:24 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Lollerskates
With the bulk of my erstwhile family in residence at Forest Lawn Hollywood Hills, this is a thing of beauty to me. (Though I think I'm glad I didn't know the song before the rest of the family plot was filled...)
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