Jay Lake (jaylake) wrote,
Jay Lake
jaylake

[cancer] Overwhelmed, I melted down again

Yesterday evening I lost it again. There are pressures on my life I don't talk about in public, because they are not my story to tell, but they are running very high. Plus my luggage is still missing, even though it was supposed to be delivered yesterday. Plus I lost my phone under weird circumstances, which even though I found it again left me feeling very foolish and incompetent. Plus a productive but sobering discussion about clinical trials with a research oncologist yesterday. Plus a missed meal (due to a fasting glucose check in lab) which put me off for the day. Plus the whole dying of cancer thing. Plus plus plus plus.

So, yeah, some days the hamster wheel in my head breaks loose and rattles down the highway, carrying me with it screaming all the way.

Lisa Costello held me and put up with snot everywhere and us going without sleep because naturally all this occurred (relatively) late in the evening.

I'm still here, but it's a damned hard life, even on the best days. Yesterday was not one of the best days.

Tags: cancer, death, health, personal, radiantlisa
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