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Jay Lake
Date: 2013-12-11 05:53
Subject: [cancer] Overwhelmed, I melted down again
Security: Public
Tags:cancer, death, health, personal, radiantlisa
Yesterday evening I lost it again. There are pressures on my life I don't talk about in public, because they are not my story to tell, but they are running very high. Plus my luggage is still missing, even though it was supposed to be delivered yesterday. Plus I lost my phone under weird circumstances, which even though I found it again left me feeling very foolish and incompetent. Plus a productive but sobering discussion about clinical trials with a research oncologist yesterday. Plus a missed meal (due to a fasting glucose check in lab) which put me off for the day. Plus the whole dying of cancer thing. Plus plus plus plus.

So, yeah, some days the hamster wheel in my head breaks loose and rattles down the highway, carrying me with it screaming all the way.

Lisa Costello held me and put up with snot everywhere and us going without sleep because naturally all this occurred (relatively) late in the evening.

I'm still here, but it's a damned hard life, even on the best days. Yesterday was not one of the best days.

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User: fjm
Date: 2013-12-11 14:55 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Hugs. I wish I could give them in person.
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User: threeoutside
Date: 2013-12-11 15:48 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm so sorry you have to suffer this, and Lisa too. Hugs to both of you. Wish I could make it all never-have-happened.
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User: kshandra
Date: 2013-12-11 18:30 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Fuck Cancer
I was very pleased to see on the Book of Face that not only has your luggage been returned, but that your missing hat was therein. I'm sorry there was time enough for a meltdown before those things transpired.

Thinking of you and yours.
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User: martianmooncrab
Date: 2013-12-11 18:54 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I lost my phone under weird circumstances,

I once put a 4 slice toaster unit in the fridge, and then couldnt remember where I put it... I still wonder how I got it to fit in the first place (once I found it again).

With the brain tumor currently sitting on my short term memory, every day is kinda exciting, because I dont know (or cant remember) what I am going to do next. Its a good thing I have so many sticky notes, and white board calendars.

My poor little brain hamsters are dying in the wheel.. so its rocking slowly
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User: melissajm
Date: 2013-12-12 00:04 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
When I lost it a little while ago and said "I shouldn't have done that," she said "Why not?"

She's trying to convince me I'm allowed to be fallible. A tough task. But you are too, Jay.
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User: a_cubed
Date: 2013-12-12 13:41 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
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Fluttering Things
User: moxie_raqs
Date: 2013-12-14 10:00 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)

Sounds like a really shitty day. It sucks that you've got so much to struggle with right now. I wish I could punch your cancer in its ugly stupid face and make it go away.

::more hugs::
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