One of which is I will hereby give one away to the person who gives me the best reason why they should read it now. Big props for funny, clever, good snark, or on-point. Bigger props for doing it as Mainspring fan fic.
To sweeten the pot, I will also Tuckerize the winner of this contest as a minor character in the Mainspring sequel Stemwinder, probably someone who meets an unpleasant death after demonstrating poor personal hygeine.
Leave your rationale in comments. I'll run a voting poll starting on Monday, when I'm back from RadCon. (Yes, I'll be happy to meet the expense of overseas mail for the winner, if need be.)